An Eye-Opening Experience in the Public House Restroom Procession

Shortly before the festive season, I had an unusual situation. I believe it was beneficial for me. This occurred at a meeting of a group of longtime companions, who happen to be dentists, but it's not pertinent. The assembled party were solely men, which proves to be key.

A Strange Situation

The establishment was a tavern enjoying a excellent custom. A lost daytime was had by all. Good cuisine, good beverages and unexpectedly humorous stories about teeth. Inevitably, the point came for trips to the gents. Those who departed, I half-noticed, seemed to be gone a considerable while. I didn't ponder the reason this might have been, but when it became my go, all became clear.

Upon turning the bend, and what did I discover but a sizeable procession for the men's restroom. No queue at all for the ladies' room, but a substantial line for the gents'. What strange new world was this? This wasn’t a world any of us in this gathering were accustomed to.

An Experience of Common Reality

For the avoidance of doubt, I neither court nor expect sympathy from any female reader here. I am acutely conscious that, for ladies, needing to line up to use a convenience is the norm. On countless occasions have I witnessed women standing in a row while men in the comparable place have to do nothing of the sort?

Beyond the annoyance of needing to wait to use a toilet, there’s a hint of indignity about standing there, anticipating something that men generally don’t have to experience. It was profoundly bracing to experience a dose of it myself, observing the women glide through the entrance while I was compelled to stand solemnly in line with my mates, fiddling at something we had in our trouser pockets and consulting our mobile devices.

The Practice of Restroom Line Banter

There’s a complete style of dialogue here – restroom waiting talk – of which men have scant experience. Ladies, I imagine, have developed skills to be quite proficient at it, engaging in pleasantries and an interesting comment or two.

Regarding this I’ve consulted some women of my circle. The general agreement is that intra-queue communication is confined to the rare eye roll and the utterance: “Fuck this, I’m going to use the gents'.” A workmate told me it’s merely at the hand-washing stations subsequently that discussion tends to start up.

Were I a female, I’d not spend a moment on both niceties or quiet. If I was compelled, over and over, to queue in a common queue only for the opportunity to use the toilet, I’d express my fury like there was no tomorrow at the pure inequity of it. A useful metric for any civilised culture would be gender parity in wee waiting times. I’m researching research on this.

Male Interaction in the Line

Back in my wait, I attempted to initiate some friendly chat flowing about this new state of affairs of ours. I clicked my tongue a bit, gave a weary look and remarked something like: “So, this is an irksome change, isn't it boys?”

Someone smiled, someone else looked blank, a third individual appeared embarrassed. A further person gave a dismissive wave as if this was one more example of a failing society, woke madness etc. Otherwise, stillness ensued. An individual came out, zipping up. The line advanced a place. A couple more men joined the rear of it. I sighed.

A Silent Moment

A lady emerged out of the neighbouring restroom, all clean and at ease. It was just fine for some. I smiled apologetically at her, trying to communicate an understanding of this reversed scenario. Her response was: “Don't turn to me for support, you jerk. Return when you’ve endured this another hundred times and at that point I may give you the time.”

Truthfully, she never spoke that. She uttered anything. But I know that’s what she was implying. And I really would not censure her.